learning

doubts that fill my mind
like pebbles in an empty tin can

rattle rattle

rattle my mind

i search
to fill the void
and succeed

only to find
that there's a leak

but oh! what a pleasant journey.

the road that leads the way
has naught but twists and turns
but the light that lights the road
is so bright it nearly burns

untitled

make a joke and i will sigh
and you will laugh and i will cry

happiness i cannot feel
love to me is so unreal

life goes on...too fast too slow
all that's left is an afterglow

all round me mocking voices shout
is it me they're talking bout?

what's in a name? what's in a soul?
if you've got no self respect, no self control?

i'm all laughs, fake smiles
can't believe i'm so civilized

not sure i am what i want to be
not sure if what i am is free

every fall is so steep, so deep
i'm not quite sure, if i'm mine to keep.

feel myself

a little less thought
and a lot more self control
when my mind takes over
what's left of my tattered soul

breathe in, breathe out
nicotine, not air
think i think deep thoughts
but reality i do not dare

i'm lost in my rhyme
hoping it's me i find
but when i look around
i see, that i am, loosing sense of time

like a child at school
who's missed the bus home
like a cocooned caterpillar
who finds itself alone

me is all i have
is it too much (too less?)
sometimes i cannot feel
feel myself.

the complex touch

why do i need
a definition
or an explanation
for
everything
above
underneath
and including
the sun.
sometimes
it's simple
sometimes not.
i find that i have
got the knack
for adding
the complex touch

like an irritant pebble
in an empty can of coke
rattling, rattling
my mind
is emptied
of all
but...
speak out, shout loud
to find i cannot
confusing, mesmerizing
pulling me
to a place where i cannot go.
leaving me
craving
more.

why?

maybe is a white word
so useless, when all you need to say
is NO
arbitrary explanations
are filing me up
with a poison i do not need
yet still
i cannot stop myself
from asking
Why?

truely

everyone everywhere
is lying
lying black, white and grey
to me
to each other
to themselves.

as i am loosing faith
in the world around me
i find that, sometimes
i'm finding it hard
to believe myself

Words II

i write in words
hundreds and thousands
pages, pages, more pages
so many words
pulling me in
into the dark white abyss
till i cannot
think anymore
feel anymore
no senses at all
just words

Words I

words can set you free
or shackle
you
deep inside
keep on thinking (in words.....more words...................too many words)
till i break
or not

but then i wonder
how does one tell?

finally...

after much contemplation and much urging i finally have a blog.